I spend too much of my time writing about things that other people are thinking but just haven't the testicular fortitude (meaning "gumption" or "audacity," both of which terms come directly from the best-selling e-book "Forrest Gump and Barack Obama Have Lunch at IKEA,"). But one of the most important things of value which I have ever brought to my readers is this brief treatise [feminine for treat] on Stupid Sayings, Philosophies and Useless Things - A Collection (If Someone Would Only Take It Away).
There are only two types of people in this world: The type of people who like to divide this world up into two types of people, and the type who don't. I dedicate this post to both types of you. I do not dedicate this post to anyone who has ever stated, when offered a choice (and I once had a boss -- at least until he fired me -- who actually said this) "Six of one and a half a dozen of the other."
There are only two types of people in this world: The type of people who like to divide this world up into two types of people, and the type who don't. I dedicate this post to both types of you. I do not dedicate this post to anyone who has ever stated, when offered a choice (and I once had a boss -- at least until he fired me -- who actually said this) "Six of one and a half a dozen of the other."
First, here's an embedded photo, for those of you who fancy that sort of thing:
Note: Actually, the title for this particular post should be somewhat better-qualified, but several of the geniuses upon whom I rely upon for internet marketing and search engine optimization advice told me that a lengthier title would not be quite as "market effective"... or that it might not have enough "traction". Even if I must settle for a fraction of the traction that would lead to SEO satisfaction (oh, yes!), I'm going to re-title the article, with an Immensity of Keyword Density --
“STUPID SAYINGS AND PHILOSOPHIES THAT EITHER: 1) DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE, 2) ARE COMMONLY MISQUOTED FROM THEIR ORIGINAL UTTERANCE IN SUCH A MANNER AND TO SUCH AN EXTENT AS TO BE MEANINGLESS OR MISLEADING, 3) I’VE INVENTED JUST FOR FUN, BUT ALL OF WHICH, IN ANY CASE, 4) WILL NEVER BE OF HELP TO ANYONE.” - Amen
Having said that, and without gratuitous apologies for the artwork appearing in the upper left-hand corner of this post, I will proceed with a short list (the pizza delivery guy is at the door):
"Stupid is as stupid does."
"Be a pessimist. You'll never be disappointed."
"Live in the past; the future will take care of itself."
"It's all good."
"My bad."
"Rich or poor, it's always good to have money."
"If I wanted your opinion, I'd tell you what it is."
"The more things change, the more they stay the same."
"You just can't win for losing."
"I know they're small, but you'll grow into them."
"The more you buy, the more you save!"
"God is giving you a challenge because He just wants to make you stronger."
Well, now....isn't that all nice?
Faithfully,
Douglas E Castle
And How About This SEO-Confounding List Of Tags, Labels, Keywords, Search Terms, Categories And Passwords, In No Particular Order, and Serving No Particular Purpose?, to wit: the tragic irony of lysdexia, mourning becomes Alexa, Bourning becomes Ludlum, the existence of the present, things that are, things that aren't, Humor, Hummus, Humvee, Haitch, trite aphorisms, bromides, chlorides, the Halogen Family, The Addams Family, cliches (without the thing over the "e" or the "s") old saws and the orthopedic surgeons who use them, mending your trouser cuffs with a stapler during bachelorhood, braces, britches and trailer hitches, Gypsies Tramps and Thieves, Tito Nieves (whose Latino last name does not rhyme with "Thieves"), spellling, repetitive stress injuries, Technullities, Justin Bieber lovechild scandal, Occupy Main Street Now (it's getting lonely), Search Option Enginization, Dr. Phil's Hairstyling Guide, Goodbye To Andy Rooney [I'll miss him - he was someone special], Heidi Klum is heartless, the legality of paregoric, why you cannot polish a turd, raw sushi, fried ice cream, BOGO, WTF, WTC, Solutions from Washington, Tomfoolery, Carousing, Gallivanting (sp?), rapscallions, too small to fail, too hot to trot, Dazzology, why is it spelled 'phlegm'?, UFOlogy, reality TV,
p.s. Is there any such thing as "lysdexia"? Why is or isn't there? And if you can read it, does it mean that you have it (assuming, of course, that it exists and can be had), or that you don't?
p.p.s. The term lysdexia, above is a perfect example of a Lingovation which artfully incorporates a spoonerism.
p.p.p.s. I watched Dexter the other night and realized that the characters on that show use more profanity per minute (on the average) than the characters in The Jersey Shore series. Really. I swear.
Tweet
0 comments:
Post a Comment