Image via Wikipedia: A description of communication.There are many people we encounter who either do not wish to listen to us (they are preoccupied with their own thoughts or they do not respect our views), cannot stand to listen to us (as they do not want to be awakened from their philosophical somnambulism or comfortable, established bigotries or blissful phychological self defenses), or are simply unable to hear us (because of a physiological or other legitimate communication or 'connection' impairment). This last group of fellow Humans is absolutely not intended to be the subject of this article.
The prior two groups of persons are categorically referred to for the purposes of this article as "Closed Minds." De-humanizing and de-personalizing, indeed, but Closed Minds it is. You just can't talk me out of it. [This last comment is intended to be ironic]
There are, at the opposite end of the spectrum, people who are obsessed with either winning arguments, making "points" or proselytizing any other person who cannot escape quickly enough. These persons ("Chronic Educators"), for a multitude of reasons, need to convince or convert others in order to fulfill what they perceive to be an important mission.
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And now a brief interlude for shameless self promotion:
[http://twitter.com/DouglasECastle1] and [http://SendingSignals.blogspot.com]
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Closed Minds and Chronic Educators cannot work together. They will waste each other's time, and get into unnecessary quarrels. Each personality type must learn to identify the other as expediently as possible in order to minimize the likelihood and possible length of futile interaction. More importantly, each type must recognize his or her propensity to be either type of non-conversational participant.
If you are Closed Mind, you might consider opening up a bit to let out some of the stale thinking and permit some new information to stimulate your imagination -- I know, I know... this can be unsettling, but it is a part of intellectual and emotional growth.
If you are a Chronic Educator, you might learn to rapidly shut up if you are not being well-received by the person whom you are addressing -- if you think that you can achieve anything productive through preaching to a subject who looks like he or she has either been to a taxidermist or embalmer, or refuses to engage with you - learn to shut up and leave the other person alone. Write blogs, books, keep a diary or become an elementary school teacher -- but don't waste time trying to tilt at windmills. In fact, you might even be better served to start to do more listening and a bit less talking.
Closed Minds and Chronic Educators would do well to know themselves by type respectively, and to recognize others by type as well. I suggest this to help either both types to either 1) avoid intellectual atrophy (if they choose to remain as they are), or to conquer themselves and to entertain the possibility of changing unproductive speaking and listening habits which have probably been impeding their personal and professional growth and standing in the way of their happiness.
I'll shut up now.
Douglas E. Castle
p.s. I do believe that it is a far better investment of time and effort to find friends (people whom we would like to listen to, and/or people who are genuinely interested what we have to say) than to aggressively struggle to "sell our wares" to people who have no interest in buying from us, or to hold still and pretend to listen (like stuffed toys, seated corpses or household furnishings) while others try to "sell their wares" to us.
p.p.s. In learning about marketing and management, we are always being told to, "be certain that we are speaking with a decision maker." We should also go a bit further, and recognize when a supposed decision maker is actually a Closed Mind who, rightly or wrongly, perceives us as a Chronic Educator.
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